Polish: The language of Poland. With its strings of four or more consonants, (e.g., the word czczy, meaning “empty”) this language is regarded as very difficult to pronounce. When non-Poles try to speak it, Poles who hear them give a slightly pained, indulgent smile. The pain comes from the effort to suppress laughter. They’re keeping a secret: the secret is that it’s actually impossible to pronounce Polish. Not just for non-Poles. Early in the twelfth century, Polish ceased to be a spoken language. When no foreigners are present, Poles speak in another language, usually !Kung or Welsh.
Poland is a kind of experimental theater of nationalism. Poles had already tried the more common experiments, like existing without any territory, so to top it they tried shifting their borders a couple of hundred kilometers west on a moment’s notice. (In Transylvanian dance, this is known as the “Time Warp.” It is explicated in the documentary The Rocky Horror Picture Show.) Similarly, other countries, like Ireland and India, have already tried having official languages that no more than a minority can speak. Attempting to break new ground, and because virtually all Poles maintain to foreigners that they speak Polish, they have established dialects, so that you can fail to speak Polish in two or three different ways, automatically! In addition to eastern and western alleged pronunciations, there is also a special dialect “spoken” in the Gdansk area. Back in the eighties, they tried to get together an army to make the Gdansk dialect a language. This effort broke down, but they ended up forming an independent trade union that eventually led to the first peaceful surrender of power by an established Communist government in Europe. All because of linguistics.
Thanks to Joseph Bottum at the First Things blog. He, in turn, was citing from this website.
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